Spaghetti Bolognese for Scavengers

Haven't posted for a while. Lots going on - more copywriting, more coverage, signed with a management agency and about to embark on rewrites. I'm rapidly approaching the point where I'll be getting paid more to write than to answer the phone.

But still, I'd be remiss if I didn't record for the ages tonight's successful attempt at spaghetti bolognese.

2 medium sized onions
2 carrots
a hell of a lot of minced garlic
tablespoon of olive oil
that ground beef left over from sloppy joe night
balsamic vinegar
can of tomatoes
basil
oregano
parsley
red wine
milk (no, seriously)
Special guest appearance by:
tomato soup

1. Promise husband you'll make him spaghetti bolognese. Begin by scouring the cabinet to see what you have. Discover that there is no more tomato paste. Tell husband you can't make dinner after all - only to find that husband has barricaded himself in study and is pretending not to hear you. Go for it anyway.

2. Finely mince onion and carrot, then saute with the garlic and olive oil in a heavy pot for five minutes. Continue to fret over how to replace tomato paste until the vegetables have softened.

3. Create well in the middle of veggies and add half the ground beef, breaking up with edge of spoon. Add a splash of balsamic vinegar (SECRET INGREDIENT!) for tenderizing/flavor. Husband is drawn by smell of meat. Allow him to insist on adding the second half of ground beef. Perfect!

4. Add can of tomatoes, one cup red wine, and a splash of milk. Look in dismay upon the result that appears completely un-bolognese like. Debate with husband possible substitutions (ketchup? Worchestershire (sp?) sauce? Chipotle pepper liquid?) before remembering that there is a can of tomato soup in the pantry! Have husband fetch. Rip off "Easy-Open" pop top lid. Gash finger wide open on jagged metal edge of can. Scream until husband comes rushing over with napkins and hugs to make it all better. Proceed to finish using only the left hand from this point on.

5. Husband adds entire can of tomato soup. Bolognese sauce now looks like Bolognese soup. Add in extra heavy amounts of basil, oregano, parsley, and a little bit more of the garlic liquid. Sadly pour out that last glass of wine from the half drunk bottle of two buck Chuck. Realize you're going to have to let this boil down by half before you can eat. Call mom so you'll have someone to talk to as you stand here stirring the pot for the next fifteen minutes so the bottom doesn't burn.

6. You remembered to start boiling water for the pasta, right, back around step 2? Better hurry up and get a pot of noodles going, bud.

7. Watch in growing amazement as - against all odds - the items in the pot actually begin to resemble bolognese sauce. Drain pasta, serve into bowls, and ladle sauce on top. Coat heavily with parmesan cheese and bon appetit! It's not the best thing you've ever made, but you and husband both scarf down a big bowl apiece.

Happy cooking.

Weekend of FAIL!

This past weekend my parents were in town. It was also, of course, the opening of the Olympics. But I didn't want to just sit around the house watching interpretive dance about the history of Canada. No sir!

So Saturday I dragged everyone out to the L.A. Street Food Fest. (Those who live in L.A. are already laughing.) After doing some fast talking to convince my dad and the Support Unit that gourmet trucks are Hip! and Happening! and the Future of Gastronomy! we all piled into the car and spent an hour in traffic to get downtown. As we pull off the freeway three blocks south, we see floods of hipsters walking uphill, a steady stream of boys in skinny jeans and girls in plaid shirts and headbands. "Huh," I say out loud, ignoring the first hints of dread seeping into my heart. "I wonder what else is going on today?"

Well, there wasn't anything else going on. The line to get in filled the sidewalk and went all the way down the block and around the corner. We had plenty of time to study it since it took us twenty minutes to drive from one traffic light to the next. By the time we reached the end, we decided that Mexican food from El Cholo suddenly looked very appealing so we bailed on the Fest and headed out West.

That night we were supposed to go out to dinner and then see the 9:00pm performance of a friend's play. Still being full from delicious plates of enchiladas, we skipped dinner, watched more Olympics, and then jumped back in the car for another hour's drive up to North Hollywood. We arrived right as the 7:00 pm show was filing out of the theater and there in the crowd was our friend! "Hi!" I say excitedly, hiding my growing trepidation as I notice that she iis in street clothes and carrying her bag. "We can't wait to see the show."

Her face freezes. "...oh," she says. "We didn't tell you that there are two casts?"

Behind me I can feel my dad perform the classic face/palm maneuver.

So that is why I watched a lot of ski jumping this weekend.

Orange Pekoe bliss

Today I finally found our office's tea infuser, which was cleverly hidden in the silverware drawer on top of the knives. Meaning I am finally able to avail myself of all the Dean & DeLuca loose teas we've had sitting in the back of the cabinet for about a year now.

SO GOOD.

Games for idiots

I would like to be more of a gamer, but alas I am hampered by (a) lack of time and (b) lack of hand eye coordination. In addition, I really hate killing off my poor avatars. Too many years watching "ReBoot" back in the nineties. I just don't see why the poor sprites should suffer for my entertainment.

However, I've just gotten started on Mass Effect 2 last night and was really impressed. In the game you play Commander Shepard (who can be either a boy or a girl, depending on your preference). After the events of Mass Effect 1, you're the intergalactic hero - which you promptly waste by dying in the first minute of the game. But never fear, the mysterious Cerberus organization, led by the mysterious Illusive Martin Sheen, has spent two years bringing you back. Human colonies are vanishing (mysteriously) and for (mysterious) reasons, Illusive Martin Sheen has decided you are humanity's only chance of salvation.

What always hangs me up on games is mastering the controls. When the game is throwing key combinations at me left and right, I just don't remember them all. Eventually I just get frustrated and give up. But playing Mass Effect 2 on the "casual" level I was actually able to keep moving and feel like I was doing reasonably well. The story is vast, as is the galaxy you get to move around in, and when I shut down it was because I was tired, not because I was bored.

For the real gamers, my Supportive Unit (the gaming expert of the family) is playing on the advanced level and having just as much fun.

BOO YA SHOCKA!

I've been named a finalist in American Zoetrope's screenplay competition!

http://www.zoetrope.com/contests/

Three weeks into the new year...

...here are some highlights of what I've read so far!

I've been going on a YA binge. Mild spoilers below:

"Give Up the Ghost" Megan Crewe. High school student Cass uses her ability to speak with the dead to terrorize the popular kids at her school - but when student council VP Tim figures out her secret and asks for her help in contacting his mother, she finds herself drawn back into the world of the living.
Awesome. Just... awesome. This might be the best high school revenge fantasy since "Carrie," - maybe even better because it ends with Cass's redemption as she comes to realize just how empty and ultimately self-punishing her choices are. The characters are real and believable, especially in the ways Cass reaches closure with each one. I love the way the book ends on an open note - not a Hollywood ending with everything resolved in a climactic confrontation, but with Cass achieving her own peace, a peace dependent on her own choices and not on the opinions of others.

"A Drowned Maiden's Hair" Laura Amy Schlitz. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD: A spunky orphan, adopted by three mysterious sisters, is trained to perform in their staged Spiritualist seances and must choose between being loved and taking advantage of other peoples' grief.
The reason I warn in particular about spoilers is that the beauty of this book is how the auther slowly reveals her plot. Even though the twist is revealed early on in the book there is nothing in the jacket copy about seances or the Spiritualist movement of the early twentieth century. Schlitz does a fantastic job with reversing expectations, and provides an interesting look at a little known period of American history.

"Mira, Mirror"Mettie Ivie Harrison. Hundreds of years after the events of Snow White, the witch trapped inside the evil stepmother's magic mirror tries to manipulate a pair of girls into providing her the magic she needs to free herself - only to learn a Valuable Lesson about Friendship.
This one was a little disappointing. I love a good anti-hero and the last hundred pages are really quite good. Unfortunately, the novel is 300 pages long. The problem I had is that for most of the book the mirror interacts only with the two girls, neither of whom, alas, is any kind of match or challenge for our protagonist on any level. Happily on page 206 the mirror meets a person who provides an actual threat, at which point the novel kicks into gear and ends on a surprising note, but by then I was already skimming ahead just to see what happened.

Test...

I believe it is traditional at this point to say, "Hello World!"